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02:43pm 03/05/2006
  so I'm now working at Romans Cafe'. I think i'm going to enjoy working there. Even though it's hard to understand some of them when they talk.

I'm annoyed at a few people, for no reason other than acting like they always do. I shouldn't let any of these things bother me but yet they do for some reason.

I love kim.... like x's 89899798787978799+9894168351684641610^9795498765249876519876497965468794984+64654984687946876498765198746519876516876 9874651987464987651987968498468+34681654894987654968765198784598465498751321621321654650640684906846519875106849 06870684940684035406840984984098409840680974090460960498 08406409687408406807867068798794685798409870703868746485068760879076874608746876807680768703570897064
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03:18pm 28/03/2006
  I dig my own grave.  
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11:50pm 23/03/2006
  They are mended, without a notice or sound. Closer to that little door. With thoughts of times shared running in our air space, stares become harder and smiles grow wider. These are the nights that i want to remember. Simply doing nothing at all, but yet smiles are always in full bloom.  
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11:21pm 15/03/2006
  So, work sucked a large asshole. They are going to put me through training again, because people a fucking morons. I really rather not explain, but i'm gonna go and see if i can get a job with joey, because this shit fucking blows. And i'm sick of getting treated like a fucking child. I'm gonna go put in a app. over there tomorrow. And if i don't get hired on the spot them i'm gonna go to a couple of other places and see if i can get a job.  
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gf application   
10:12pm 06/03/2006
  I want someone to ask me how my day was, tell how theirs went, call me just because, listen to my lame stories, enjoy my company, laugh at my horrible jokes, watch indie movies with me, lol when i surprise them with the lamest thing in the world, think of me as highly i as think of them, play in the rain with me, randomly throw things at me, teach me things, mud wrestle with me, accept me for who i am, be able to argue/pick with me (playfully), play tag throughout the house...... naked, be able to partake in the national waterballon fight day, have great conversations about everything and nothing at all, play in walmart with me at 2 in the morning, go on adventures with me, that'll watch the stars with me, that'll call into work to stay in bed with me all day, that'll leave post it notes in random places for me to find, that's not as dumb as a blonde, to let me shower them with love, knows where the limits are, that knows how to be a lady.... sometimes.  
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01:38pm 05/03/2006
  I just realized... that i'm not thinking about you as much as i have been. Ever since we told each other how we see one another... idk, it feels as if there is this weight lifted off of my shoulders. It's weird i know. But i think i'm good now. Yeah, i think i'm finally ready. Yay... this feels good... go me!  
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06:09pm 26/02/2006
For some reason i don't think this is right....   
08:31pm 19/02/2006
You scored as Mathematics. You should be a Math major! Like Pythagoras, you are analytical, rational, and when are always ready to tackle the problem head-on!






























What is your Perfect Major? (PLEASE RATE ME!!<3)
created with QuizFarm.com
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03:28pm 17/02/2006
  I don't understand where it all comes from. I found a piece of glass today, it was stuck in my shoe. After getting out from the cracks on the bottom of my shoe... i looked at it. I played with that piece of glass, i put it up to the light and it who look completely different from what i saw when i wasn't looking through it. You never know how someone see's something until you see it through their eyes. Life's weird like that i guess. I wonder what everyone see's when they look at me?  
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06:04pm 13/02/2006
  What's going through your brain? Because i couldn't tell you what's going on in mine. Thoughts piled up on more thoughts. And every single one, makes the pain in my chest even worse. "what are you doing", he asked himself? What am i doing? i need a hug  
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and now it's gone....   
03:13am 13/02/2006
  I've completely lost the will to live. I've reached that ultimate low, and theres no coming up. I confessed my love.... the the heart that i've shattered, and in return mine was treated the same. I'm in love with a whore. I hate my life. I hate everything. You never know the lowest point. I could even get lower, from here. Throwing up freshly put down wine, in a strangers yard..... noticeing pills that were recently shoved down my throat. I hope you burn in hell, for everything. I now know how you felt. To have you heart completely shattered with one smooth motion. The worst night of my life has now come. I can't go on. I don't want to go on. I want to sleep forever.... through the dreams and the nightmares. They are all the same to me.

And to think you were going to stop by before you fucked him. HOW FUCKING NICE. I hope you read this, i hope you realize. I hope.... and nothing more.... because that's all i have left. Hope. I thought i could fix you... i thought i could make everything better. i was wrong. You can't fix somethings. Somethings are better left untouched.

I have no future i have no goals. I have nothign worth living for.... (you can call me an emo faggot all you fucking want i could give a shit less about what you think). That goes to all you people who read this. FUCK. I want to break your fucking face. I want to find out where you are and kill you. I want to fucking die.
ps.... if you are reading this then dont' call me. I don't want to talk to anyone. LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE... ALL OF YOU.
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nunc scio quit sit amor   
11:20pm 08/02/2006
  I hate not being able to see it coming. I hate being blinded by human nature. Am I that obilvous to the facts? Do I really wear my heart on my sleeve, willing, and open for someone to just come by and smash it into a million pieces? All this change will be pointless if i'll never fall in love again. I guess all i can do is pray that one day i'll find love again. To find that unexplainable feeling, will be the pay off i guess. If not, then i guess it's just meant to be this way.  
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i f'n... hate this shit.   
09:41pm 05/02/2006
  Do you ever wonder what's out there? I want to go places i've never been before. I want to break out of this shell. I want to run wild. I want to live life to the fulliest and experience everything that i can before death. I need relief. I need serenity. I need.... something that i dont' have right now, and i'm not sure what it is. But i need to find it. And hopefully someday i'll be able to find it. Whatever it might be. Maybe i need a dog? *le fucking sigh*  
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03:23am 05/02/2006
  So i've been working, it's weird. I actually kinda hate it. But i'm not going to quit. I'm going to stay anyways. I have a feeling i'm going to be lonely for quite some time. But i think it's going to be alright. I still have my health... well some what. And i stay have the hope that love will come back into my life one day, in some form or another. I really should be asleep, but i just can't. I saw a picture tonight. It made me sad, and then i realized... that i was stupid. I hate when that happens. The question of the night, is why worry about something you have no control over? You know worrying isn't going to do anything about it, but you worry anyways. Why is that? I think it's because we care about the matter, no matter what it is. It could be about some child overseas being killed, by his mother. You would feel sorry for that child wouldn't you? Of course you would, because that's just not cool, ya know? But why do we care? I'm not saying we shouldn't care. I just want to know why we do. If anyone has any idea why.... hit me up with a nizzote  
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11:33pm 29/01/2006
  Tricks of the trade. Fooling the fool. Wishing that star.

When i was younger my mother use to say a little rhyme whenever she wished upon a star. I thought about it earlier, because i saw a shooting star. And i wanted to say the rhyme, and make a wish, except... i forgot how it went. I was dissappointed. I wished on it anyways. Problem is... it's only a wish. And i've heard that you can make wishes come true.... i'm hopin they're right, because i can't live like this. I can't live like this...

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02:31am 22/01/2006
  Call me childish... I DARE YOU! Even though it's probably too late. w/e, tell me i live for drama, tell me i make it myself. Tell me that your going to pray for me. DO IT, i dare you. I already know everything your going to say, so i dont' want to hear it. VANISH!!!!!!!!!!!
03:38am 21/01/2006
  Do you ever hold on to a sinking ship? I do. Every day, and i can't help but to try my damnedest. Every single fucking day.  
08:31pm 16/01/2006
  Have you ever wanted to start over. I mean start completely over. I mean leave everything you know, love, care about..... behind. Why would anyone want to do that you ask? Because i don't think i'm living to the fullest, I'm not doing what i need to get done. I never ever do what i need to do. I only lounge around, and do nothing of importance. My life consists of lounging around.

I want to meet someone that inspires me to get off my ass. I want to meet someone that i also can give that too. I want to have a best friend agian.
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"if only"   
03:41am 15/01/2006
mood: slightly inebriated
"If only", seems to be the words that keep coming into view. No matter what the situation, or prespective. I'm still lost, without words, nor expressions to communicate.
Third Bourbon and coke
My bed seems to be warmer than usually... except still missing something. (please exuse my lack of concentration on a single subject) I judge people and critize them, when i should be doing it too myself. I think of all these things that people can do to better themselves... when i should be doing that for myself... but i don't. Why can't i judge myself. Why can't i do something to better myself? Why can't i ever finish anything i start? Is it because some things never end. Do you know that saying about if you fall off a horse, you should get back up and try to ride it again. Yeah, well I'll get back up and try to ride it again. But that only works for a while... then i get bored... and just give up completely. And don't look back at it. I just forget about it, and find something else that holds my interst for the time being. Do i not have focus? Do i not have self determination? I don't think i have any of that... nor motivation, or self esteem. WHY AM I LIKE THIS?
I wish i could email god, and he tell me everything i need to know. Would it be easier that way? Or would it be something that i brush off after i get bored with it. I think the reason i can't email him/her is because..... i need to experience... because with experience comes learning.. and response to what you learned. That's probably why.

"all is full of, love. all around you"

if only this, if only that. If only i could find what i'm looking for. If only i could get my head on straight.... but maybe that's not how it's suppose to be. Maybe all this confusion is so that i can learn, and then mend what i've started. I wish i had straight bourbon, or wiskey... or something really hard that i can just shoot and get inebriated with haste. I wish you would come back to me.
Can you pass it?   
06:08pm 13/01/2006
You Passed 8th Grade Science

Congratulations, you got 6/8 correct!
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